In 2010 a friend and I snuck into the Diamond Club at Citizens’ Bank Park during a Phillies-Reds game.
We berated Joey Votto with insults during each walk back to the dugout in a 4 strikeout night for the eventual NL MVP.

After his fourth swing and a miss, he stormed back to the bench, but not before chucking his helmet, pointing directly at us, and screaming, “SHUT THE F*** UP.”

Joey Votto of Cincinnati Reds appeals two-game suspension for home ...
Photo: AP Photo/John Minchillo

Trash talk is not simply a part of sports, it is a powerful weapon. Whether you are in a screaming match at a bar or need to actively ruin a Patriots fan’s day, it is crucial to know the enemy to aptly break them.


This article serves as an Eagles fan’s guide to how to make sure you can inspire peak resentment and anger in each of the team’s 2020 opponents.

Without further ado, How To Talk Trash.


Washington Redskins

Couldn’t ask for a better Week 1 matchup. Honestly, I thought the preseason was only 4 games, but we’ll take another practice squad matchup. What’s scarier: a 48-year-old running back or the worst quarterback to come out of Ohio State since Terrelle Pryor? In the timeless words of Mark Twain: Death, Taxes, and beating the Washington team. I’m already bored.

Los Angeles Rams

The Rams are trash. You couldn’t even beat Brady in the Super Bowl. Sean McVay? Absolute clown. You can keep your coach of the year award, we got a Super Bowl with our guy, who, in case you forgot, still hasn’t lost to the Rams. Has that Goff guy has shown why you’d take him over Wentz yet? Because he’s thrown 10 fewer touchdowns and 7 more interceptions than the former Bison.

Goff embodies SoCal to a tee: plenty of glamors, zero results. Can’t wait to watch Todd Gurley carry a different team to the playoffs, because God knows no one else on that team can ball. Except for Aaron Donald. Aaron Donald can ball.

Cincinnati Bengals

Remember when the Browns got Baker Mayfield and Cleveland was so excited to maybe, just maybe unlock those Bud Light coolers around town? Remember when the Browns still sucked? They are currently the best football team in Ohio, not counting the Canton Greats.

Now Cincinnati is ready to flex their Andy Dalton replacement and ALSO go 6-10. Frankly, I’m shaking. 3-0 so far.

An open letter from Kentucky to the people of Minnesota, about ...
Photo: Jerry Holt/Star Tribune

San Francisco 49ers

When trash talking, it’s vital to acknowledge when teams are good, otherwise, all the lip just comes off as unfounded. There’s no way around it: San Francisco is a good team. But Jimmy G is the hottest quarterback in the league on looks alone.

Only John Harbaugh can lead a team to a Super Bowl win with such garbage at the helm, and at least he had an elite defense. Kyle Shanahan is a real magician though, he knows how to make a lead disappear.

Pittsburgh Steelers

Wins don’t mean anything if your quarterback is a bonafide sexual predator. His back up is a MAGA head that called Myles Garrett the N-Word. So yea, maybe your owner is the namesake of the Rooney Rule (and I do love Mike Tomlin), but anyone excited to root for such a morally bankrupt franchise has a lot of soul searching to do.

Juju looked pretty good as a WR2 and James Conner was a nice flash in the pan, but you’ll be sitting pretty with 6 Super Bowls for a long time. Seriously though, how do you root for that dumpster fire of a human being?

Dallas Cowboys fans rooting Philadelphia Eagles vs. Bears | Fort ...
Photo: Matt Slocum/AP Photo

Baltimore Ravens

Eagles fans, this is where you shut your mouth. Lamar Jackson is a baaaaaad man, and John Harbaugh is a great coach. If I had to lose to anyone, it’d be these guys.

Wait — what am I saying, they’re a regular-season team who can’t stop the run. Have you met my friend Boogie?

New York Giants

Remember when we were rivals? The Eagles are 11-1 against the Giants in the last 6 seasons. I’m more scared of the Bengals.

Dallas Cowboys

By Week 8 it will be interesting to see how many Dallas Defensive Lineman and Linebackers will be arrested for assault, or how parts of Sean “Glass Bones” Lee will be broken. If RGIII and Sam Bradford had a baby, it would have stronger knees than that coward. Too bad Mike McCarthy can’t hide behind a talented quarterback anymore.

Dak plays football like a dead guy at the end of a funeral: there are 10 guys doing a hell of a lot more work to carry him. They certainly deserve to be America’s team with how 2020 has gone so far. Pay Dak!

Screaming Eagles fan who went viral has a prestigious job you ...
Photo: Enrico Campitelli/NBC Sports

BYE WEEK

If you were in a room the bye week, Osama Bin Laden and Hitler, and you had a gun with two bullets…

New York Giants

Back to back bye weeks? Didn’t realize that was a thing.

Cleveland Browns

THREE bye weeks? Now that’s just unfair. I have two nephews, and OBJ hasn’t been a pro bowler since either of them were born.

Seattle Seahawks

Instead of running it on the 1-yard line, Seattle just spent the last 5 years doing everything they can to gut their defensive personnel. Not to mention Pete Carroll is wholly responsible for an enormous NCAA violation at USC but walked away scot-free while his student-athletes, most notably Reggie Bush, paid the price. What a good, awesome, totally not scummy guy.

Trash Talking To Other NFC East Fans In 2011 - GCOBB.COM
Photo: Jerry Brennan

Green Bay Packers

My friend Chris is a big Packers fan, and when asked “Who would you root for, the Cam-led Patriots or the Brady-led Bucs?” he answered the Patriots. Why? “If Brady gets another ring, the Brady-Rodgers debate will be over.” Isn’t that adorable?

I guess when the town of Green Bay has the collective internet bandwidth of the island from Cast Away, it’s no surprise they are still living in the past.

New Orleans Saints

Fun fact, if you just let Saints fans do all the talking, they tire themselves out and STILL end up depressed. Tread carefully, they may pay someone to beat you up.

Tell us more about how bad you would have beaten us if you hadn’t lost to the Case Keenum-led Vikings! Clowns.

Arizona Cardinals

I failed high school science and I still have more chemistry than this team. If the Philadelphia 76ers are of any indication, you don’t win a lot when you constantly reshuffle your team.

I don’t know what else to say about them, they haven’t been relevant in a decade. Fitz is cool I guess?

Redskins RB thinks Eagles fans are mean (but maybe a little clever ...
Photo: AP Images

Dallas Cowboys

This will be one of the latest games in the year Dak has ever played! Pretty exciting for the A&M product. Crazy to think the Eagles will go into this one 14-0.

Is Wentz the new Dan Marino? Dallas will do everything they can to make him look like it.

Washington Redskins

Recent history has had the Eagles and Cowboys neck and neck going into Week 17, so it’s nice that the onus will be on Dallas to perform. “We want Bama” chants will echo through the Linc, COVID-permitting.

The extra rest before the playoffs will be good for the Eagles.


Featured Image: John Munson/NJ Advance Media for NJ.com
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