Cues Dido ‘Thank You’
(to the flow of Stan by Eminem)
Dear Carson, I tweeted you but still ain’t respondin’
I left my email, my handle, and my favorite memory at the bottom
I sent two tweets back in August, you must not-a got ‘em
Probably was a problem with my internet or somethin’
Sometimes I drunk tweet too sloppy when I type ‘em
But anyways, forget it, what’s been up? Man, how’s your new daughter?
I don’t have a child, nor bout to be a father,
But if I have a daughter, guess what I’m a call her?
Imma name her Carson
I read about your Eagles situation too, I’m sorry
I had a quarterback leave town over some fans who didn’t want him
I know you probably hear this every day, but I’m your biggest fan
I even saw FCS stuff that you did for that span
I got a basement full of your posters and your jerseys man,
I liked the things you did with Klieman, that stuff was bad
Anyways, I hope you get this man, tweet me back,
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is a Carson-stan
Dear Carson, you still ain’t spoken, I hope you get the chance
I aint mad, I just think it’s messed up you don’t answer fans
If you didn’t wanna talk to the media after the season
You didn’t have to, but you coulda said anything to the public
These are my Eagles man, since I was six years old
We waited since 2004 for the Super Bowl, and you just say no?
That’s pretty crummy man, you were such an idol
Kids wanted to be just like you man, some of them liked you more than I do
I ain’t that mad though, I just don’t like bein’ lied to
Remember when you won vs New York? You said if Jake made it you’d write a check
See Philly’s just like you in a way
They’ll never doubt you neither
They’ll always treat you like family as if we were
I can related to what you’re saying in your psalms
So when I have a crappy day, I sneak away and read ‘em all
‘Cause I don’t really got stuff else so that stuff helps when I’m obsessed
I even got a tattoo of the team that is the best
Sometimes I even pinch myself to see you taking knees
It’s like adrenaline, the wins are such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I respect you ‘cause you tell it
My friends are jealous ‘cause I talk about you 24/7
But they don’t know you like I know you Carson, no one does
They don’t know what is was like for Philly fans growing up, you gotta tweet me man
I’ll be the biggest fan you’ll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Carson-stan
P.S. you should win a title too
Dear Mister “I’m too good to tweet or talk to fans”
This will be the last DM I ever send with sass
It’s been six weeks and still no word, we don’t deserve it?
We saw you in the Rodney video, you finally spoke with a purpose
So this is my complaint I’m sending you, I hope you read it
I’m in my office now, I’m seeing what your worth on eBay
Hey Carson, I drank a fifth of jager
You dare me to lie?
You know the guy wearing two, in the cold Lambeau night
That got playing time when the other guy was failing
But couldn’t finish? And you got upset because you were no longer starting?
That’s kinda how this is, you could have avoided all this hounding
Now it’s too late, we’re sour since you’ve been so pouty
And all we wanted was a Carson Super Bowl
I hope you know you’ll never be Nick Foles
I love you Carson, we shoulda won together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can’t sleep and you tweet about it
And when you tweet, I hope you can’t sleep and you weep about it
I hope Jacoby competes with you and you can’t win without me
See Carson, I wish you would have had the talk
Hey Carson, that’s my jersey in the junk
But I didn’t burn that bridge, I just tossed it, see I ain’t like you
‘Cause once you’re on the Colts you’ll be indoors, and then in that blue
Well, gotta go, you’re on to Indianapolis now
Oh crap, I forgot, how we supposed to get rid of Howie now?
For those unaware of the reference, please see video. Great song. Good bye Carson 🙁
Featured Image (Robert Deutsch/USA TODAY Sport)
