Grading Super Bowl LIX Predictions, From Tom Brady to Stephen A. Smith
The results are in: The Philadelphia Eagles are Super Bowl LIX Champions!
Gen-Z birds fans have come to expect this kind of success, with three appearances in the big game in just seven seasons — but most Philadelphians are stunned.
Set aside talks of dynasties and future outlooks: this Eagles team just dominated the NFL in a way few franchises ever do.
And because we are petty, it’s time to call everyone out. That’s right, we brought receipts.
So throw on your best mummer costume and pour another drink! We’re going to take a look at who flew with Philly and who just got it ALL wrong.
Fans, Generally
- Emerson College Polling: 36% Eagles, 29% Chiefs (36% no opinion)
- BetOnline Picks: 40 states report a majority of Eagles picks, 10 states report a majority of Chiefs picks
- Fox San Antonio: 55% Eagles, 45% Chiefs
Fans across the country seemed to favor Philadelphia, though this has more to do with folks not wanting a three-peat than a sudden change of heart toward America’s favorite city. Either way, nationwide fans rallying around “GO BIRDS!” deserve a firm A.
Thanks for pausing the Santa snowball jokes, everyone!
National Media
- ESPN: 61.2% Chiefs, 38.8% Eagles
- Notable Chiefs picks: Damien Woody, Dan Orlovsky, Field Yates, Mike Greenberg, Mike Tannenbaum, Mina Kimes, Tedy Bruschi
- Notable Eagles picks: Scott Van Pelt, Herm Edwards, Joe Buck, Marcus Spears, Mike Clay, Seth Walder, Stephania Bell
The so-called Worldwide Leader in Sports was proven WRONG by Jalen Hurts & Co., with 41 of the company’s experts selecting Kansas City to three-peat to just 26 choosing Philadelphia. That’s a tough margin, but it’s not as bad as some competitors… let’s give them a C-.
CBS: 7 experts for Chiefs, 1 expert for Eagles
- Chiefs: Pete Prisco, Will Brinson, Jared Dubin, Ryan Wilson, Tyler Sullivan, Dave Richard, Jamey Eisenberg
- Eagles: John Breech
There’s a reason the Super Bowl was on FOX: CBS blew it with these picks. Not only did 88% of their panel pick the Chiefs, but Pete Prisco picked the Eagles in this article, and then the Chiefs in this one published TWO MINUTES LATER. Point deduction, F!
FOX Sports: 8 picking Chiefs, 7 picking Eagles
- Chiefs: David Helman, Carmen Vitali, Eric D. Williams, Ben Arthur, Henry McKenna, Chase Daniel, Emmanuel Acho, James Jones,
- Eagles: Rob Rang, Greg Auman, Ralph Vacchiano, Sammy Panayotovich, Jason McIntyre, LeSean McCoy, Keyshawn Johnson
“Chiefs are winning, no doubt about it” – Chase Daniel, who started 5 of 74 eligible games in his NFL career. Enjoy your L — and your C+?
Pro Football Talk: 3 for Chiefs, 2 for Eagles
- Chiefs: Mike Florio, Josh Alper, Myles Simmons
- Eagles: MDS, Charean Williams
PFT is just barely edging ESPN, with 60% of its experts (wrongly) choosing the chiefs. The rest of the staff has MDS and Williams to thank for the collective second-place finish among these media outlets — after all, shooters shoot.
Let’s give this crew a C.
Celebrities
- Eagles: Bradley Cooper (duh), Anne Hathaway, Dawn Staley, Tina Fey, Miles Teller, Kevin Hart, the casts of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and “Abbott Elementary,” Mike Trout.
- Chiefs: Taylor Swift (duh), Paul Rudd, John Hamm, Jason Sudeikis, Young Gravy, Heidi Gardner, Henry Winkler, Brad Pitt.
I won’t lie, it hurts to root against The Fonz. Everyone else can kick rocks (Paul Rudd, respectfully. He’s cool too). But Tina Fey and Quinta Brunson on Philly’s side? Silver Linings star Bradley Cooper, too??
Wait, even the QUEEN of GENOVIA herself??? Celebs got this one right. Grading this an A.
Other Notable Picks
PHOTO: Kirby Lee/Imagn Images
Tom Brady: Chiefs, assuming it’s “a one-score game.” Who cares if this was a win for Tom’s legacy as the greatest quarterback (or player) of all time — SUCK IT, BRADY!!! Philly stops two three-peats, taking down a pair of GOATs in the process.
Stephen A. Smith: Eagles, noting that “Jalen Hurts is going to get it done.” Smith got his sports media career going at the Inquirer, so the man knows ball. In a national media landscape so deprived of the trees it can only see the forest, his selection was a breath of fresh air.
Nick Wright: Adam Driver and Jesus had a baby, and it has horrible taste in Super Bowl predictions. I won’t waste my words here, just enjoy this four minute clip of Wright being roasted on his own show for spending the entire 2024 season criticizing Jalen Hurts and the Eagles.
The Guy Who Wrote This Article: I WAS FOUR TOTAL POINTS AWAY FROM GETTING THE SCORE (see proof)!!!!
Grading this an A+ solely on vibes — love to see the haters lose.
Overall
In the words of my local priest on Saturday evening, “he will raise you up on Eagles’ wings.” Experts, take a page out of the lord’s book. When you fly with Philly, good things happen.
To the haters who thought Jalen Hurts couldn’t pass, to the doubters who thought a pair of rookie cornerbacks couldn’t hold down a secondary, and to my friend who’s a big Chiefs fan: MUSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!!!!!
Fans got what they wanted, pundits were stunned, and Drake is still missing.
The Super Bowl gets an A+, but a bevy of buffoonery at the national level brought down the overall prediction grade to a B.
Philadelphia, it’s up to you to spend the next calendar year reminding everyone you meet on the street who is the reigning champ.
But watch out: the Cowboys are close on our tail! ?
PHOTO: Kirby Lee/Imagn Images
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