Phillies’ Opening Day Roster…As Eagles?!
Happy Opening Day to all who celebrate!
It’s been 169 days since the Phillies took the field, and in that time, the Eagles only lost one game.
But enough about the Birds; baseball is BACK!
The Fightins start the season against a familiar foe in Washington, so expect a home run from Josh Bell.
Let’s take a look at today’s lineup:
- Trea Turner, 6
- Bryce Harper, 3
- Alec Bohm 5
- Kyle Schwarber, DH
- JT Realmuto, 2
- Max Kepler, 7
- Nick Castellanos, 9
- Bryson Stott, 4
- Brandon Marsh, 8
PHOTO: Philadelphia Phillies/Facebook
On the mound? Zack Wheeler, of course! Last year’s runner-up in NL Cy Young voting is the one true ace in a stellar rotation that, to quote Realmuto, contains “four No. 2s.”
Now, the team may wear red, but the Phanatic itself is green. Philadelphia loves its baseball, but it’s a football city, begging the question…
What if Rob Thomson had to set a lineup with only Eagles at his disposal?
This lineup is already chock-full of Exciting Whites, so let’s swap them out and have some fun.
2025 Opening Day Eagles Lineup
- AJ Brown (Turner): With previous baseball experience (albeit in the outfield), Brown is most likely to get on base. Not to mention the awkward parallels between Brown’s 2023 “locker room drama” and the whole “everyone clap for Trea” moment. Relax, they’re both perennial All-Stars!
- Saquon Barkley (Harper): Divisional-rival-turned-fan-favorite? I’ve heard this one before. Also, the closest thing in football to Harper’s NLCS-clinching home run in 2022 was Barkley’s head-slamming TD run vs. the Rams.
- DeVonta Smith (Bohm): Alec Bohm might be 300% heavier than a rain-soaked Smith, but these two home-grown talents are developing nicely despite not being THE guy in either case. Bohm should be flattered by this comparison, however.
- Landon Dickerson (Schwarber): Nothing says “I choose violence” like 46 HRs and 217 strikeouts. Also, Schwarber could be Dickerson’s dad.
- Cam Jurgens (Realmuto): Lovingly, Jurgens looks like he was at January 6th. Realmuto wishes he was there.
- AJ Dillon (Kepler): Who the hell is the new guy? Quadzilla is an elite bruiser, and with reports that Kepler could account for 25 homers, the newest Philadelphians are about to bring the BOOM.
- Jordan Mailata (Castellanos): Most likely to say his favorite superhero is Scooby-Doo, AND he’s hot? Throw in a big block during a national tragedy, and our favorite Aussie might start playing right field.
- Jake Elliott (Stott): A Bryson Stott at-bat is as fun to watch as a Jake Elliott 40-yard field goal. You’re stressed, and he’s sending the ball every which way, but somehow, these career Philadelphians’ talent delivers in clutch time.
- Dallas Goedert (Marsh): Gross hair, don’t care!
Starting pitcher? There is only one Eagle responsible for throwing a ball: Jalen Hurts (Wheeler). Oh, and he’s top-5 at the most important position in the game! Now, if only he was a ginger…
So there you have it, Topper! Beg Howie Roseman enough, and this lineup is destined for 96 wins and a Super Bowl title. Jokes aside, the Eagles only lost ONE game in the entire MLB off-season- the Phils could learn a thing or two about closing.
Go, Birds, and go, Phillies!
PHOTO: Philadelphia Phillies/Facebook
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